Zen Hedonism

Last night we took Ada to the airport. No huge event. We grabbed some dinner together at a diner then climbed into the Escape. We complained about what a pain it is to get out to JFK. Listened to the Yankee game on the radio. Talked about what time she'd arrive in Italy and how she hoped to catch some sleep on the plane. I watched the fire blooming trees of the Merritt turn into the lit up view of Manhattan from the Whitestone. I kissed my mother in law's cheeks and hugged her before she left to go begin the long process of boarding an international flight.

Nothing huge. Very normal. What most people would classify as boring. Just my life moving along.

And honestly, 99.9% of the time, I'm sitting there in awe of it. Enthralled with every stupid little bit of it.

There are the silly things that amuse me. Like my first mass. Discussing how to get anywhere from anywhere in New England. (No, you really can't get there from here.) Taking the train in to watch a Yankee's game. Snow. Listening to my father in law tell a story. Homemade marinara. Taking a ferry. Real bagels.

There are the not so silly things that leave me in awe. People saying what they mean. Safety without stagnation. Honesty. Trust. Faith. An incredible lack of fear. 

It's all exotic to me. Foreign. It makes me giggle somewhere in my head. Like I'm getting away with something by being here in the middle of this. This is not the world I grew up in. This is not what they told me the world was. 

So I just love and value every little detail. Even when it isn't fun. I love it... because it's sane. A fight isn't the end of the world, it's the beginning of a dialogue. Speaking honestly is not only accepted, but encouraged.

And maybe it's New England. And maybe it's the people I've chosen to surround myself with. And maybe it's just making better choices in general. Somewhere in there it stopped being about being scared and defensive and got around to the business of being me and enjoying this life.

So why all of this? Was this really triggered by a jaunt to drop the mo in law off at JFK? Yes... and also... it's Bunnie's fault.

She put a bug in my ear about a visit. A visit to see her and Bella... timed with High School Reunion. While I'm right in the middle of this whole trying to reconcile who I am with where I began thing. Well, actually, trying to ignore reconciling those things.

I say I don't care to go because I really don't feel the desire to waste any more of my time on those people. And it's true... about most of those people.

But what I don't say is that I'm not sure I really want to remember the redeeming things about that place. Those people. That life. That it's easier just to remember the horror of the house I grew up in, and burn the rest for having the misfortune of being in the same town. 

Yes, I just may be tossing the baby out with the bathwater. But you know, I'm trying to decide if I really want that baby anyway.

Yet somehow, I find them.

And now, I'm going to plant an image in your brain that you will not be able to wash clean.

Edward is a dildo.

Coworker A: (while wiping off the counter top where students stand to fill out forms) The wood here is worn from the students. ~smirking~ A patina.

Coworker B: (seriously) Patina? Who's that?

I'm in the middle of a documentary obsession.

It's not enough to do the laundry, I must do the laundry and learn about the origins of the Jews. It is not enough to ride the bike, I must ride the bike and learn about the reign of Elizabeth I. Oh look, I'm playing WoW.... and listening to Carl Sagan explain the cosmos. Between youtube and hulu and netflix, I've been streaming quite the collection.

And now, I've found this.

I had to share the nerd.

There are days when I love my job. And not just the quiet days when it's so slow around here I can do things like... edit a friend's book or make vast spread sheets for gearing up a WoW character. But there are days when students who need help figuring out how they're going to pay for their tuition stumble through my office and I can actually help them.

But there are also days when I think, Jesusfuck, this sucks so bad... I'd rather work retail.

That, by the way, means it's bad. If there was anything that destroyed what little love I might have had left for humanity... it was the first christmas season I worked retail. Fuck. That. Shit.

Today, has been, a I'd rather work retail day. Let me illustrate why retail would be less annoying than the conversations I've had today.

Let's say you work in a shop. And this shop sells candy. Everyone loves candy! Yay!

Me: Good morning customer! How can I help you today?

Customer: Oh, I would like this box of candy.

Me: Wonderful! That's $20.

Customer: Oh well, I can't actually afford this box of candy. But I want it.

Me: Well... let's see. You do qualify for a special candy grant. So... that's only a $10 box for you.

Customer: Ah well, no. I still can't afford that. But... I want it.

Me: Yes well... perhaps you can borrow the money to buy it?

Customer: No, no. No one will loan me $10.

Me: Oh, well... perhaps... we do have a lay-away plan. You could pay $1 a week for 10 weeks.

Customer: No, no. I can't afford that either.

Me: Well, I'm very sorry. But those are the options. I can't really be any more accommodating.

Customer: But, I want this candy.

Me: Perhaps you should look at a different box of candy if you can't afford that one.

Customer: No! I'm good enough for this candy and I want it!

Me: This really isn't about personal worth. But if you can't afford that particular box of candy, there are other candy options.

Customer: No, no, no! Listen, this candy is my right as an American. I want this candy. So you figure out how to give me enough money so that I can pay for this candy.

Me: But... no. It doesn't work that way. That's just -giving- you the candy. And if I just gave away candy, I wouldn't be able to sustain making candy, now would I?

Customer: Seriously. Gimmie. Now. And your stupid candy costs too much anyway.

Sometimes, you don't just want a search engine that can find stuff for you.

You want a search engine that can stalk things for you, stare at them, and then feel some feelings... very deeply.

Like this.

A search engine so dedicated, you'll need a restraining order.

So John turned me on to this. And I was rambling a little about it to Lou last night. So I'm just going to post a link here.

Terry Jones' Medieval Lives

It's an awesome BBC series that focuses on class roles in the middle ages. Very interesting stuff, especially when it pokes around how much the Victorian era rewrote things.

I'm in a 'cannot stop watching documentaries' phase. Oh the random information in my head.

Dirty hippies wish they were as at peace with the world and themselves as I am right now.

I am so zen, I am not going to be preachy today.

Instead, I'm going to let some guy named Seth do it for me.

So, go read this. And you know, I do actually say, I'm bitchy because of hormones. 

Jelly [jel-ee] -noun
any substance having the consistency of jelly.

Fish [fish] -noun
any of various cold-blooded, aquatic vertebrates, having gills, commonly fins, and typically an elongated body covered with scales.

Jellyfish - A bit about the etymology
Since jellyfish are not actually fish, some people consider the term jellyfish a misnomer, and American public aquariums have popularized use of the terms jellies or sea jellies instead.

Even science agrees, they are more jelly than fish.

Also, among the list of facts that the beau has made me aware of that I wish he hadn't... Tinted Windows. It's a supergroup composed of James Iha (guitarist of Smashing Pumpkins and Perfect Circle), Adam Schlesinger (bassist of Fountains of Wayne and Ivy), Bun E. Carlos (drummer of Cheap Trick), and Taylor Hanson.

Yes, their singer. The front man, if you will, is the middle fucking Hanson brother. Just wrap your head around that. I haven't heard anything from them yet. But I think their first release starts out something like this.

"One of these things is not like the others.
One of these things is not the same."

Mmmm bop.

And one final bit (this part not requested by Rabbit at all but still utterly necessary), a bit of how I feel in the office and why I'm taking Monday off for no other reason than I have the time and I want to.



see more Lolcats and funny pictures

 Yes, I am skipping two episodes. Just not much to say about either of them. I will say that it was fun to watch vamp wanna bes get fang raped in Lie to Me. And I mistook the first few moments of The Dark Age episode for a metal hair band video. 

What's My Line - or - Dibs on the Spike/Oz Sandwich

Synopsis: After poking around in an old stolen book, Spike finds a way to cure Drusilla. He sends the Order of Taraka after Buffy to keep her out of the way. A second slayer shows up in town making things a little weird, and a lot hot. And in the end, Oz explains yet another facet of what makes a monkey evil.

I must say, I love the way Spike loves Dru. His temper shoots violent and passionate all in one, all the time. He'll snap one moment, then be the dirt beneath her little unclad fee the next. He's jealous, possessive. He puts her up on a pedestal while calling her diminutive and worshipful names. Pet. Lamb. Black goddess. Ripe, wicked plum. Is Spike Irish? He sure loves like one. 

In contrast to this, we have... Angel and Buffy. Oh, the constant back and forth of don't love me. It can't work. But I want to kiss you. I'm too dark. You're too young. You shouldn't have to touch my klingon bits. What is this relationship based on other than longing glances and hesitant sighs? Gah. Sometimes I feel that their relationship is the beginning of the slippery slope that led to such travesties as Edward and Bella. (When I typed that... Bella's name originally came first. But she was so upset that she should ever come before her beautiful sparkling love - she is so unworthy to be in such a position - that she cried until I changed the order. True story!)

So... on with the plot. 

Spike calls the Order of Tarakis on Buffy. Spike, Spike, Spike, you were doing so well. But this is total a 'the Master' move. Oh, Buffy is a problem. Let's call in whatever assassins to kill her. Has this -ever- worked? No. They cramp her style a little. But then in the end she and Scooby Gang pitch in kill the bad guys. Seriously. You're a vampire. Put some humans in your thrall. Have them poison her diet coke during the day when her guard is down. Duh.

But of course, now we have the problem that instead of 1 Slayer, we have two. And the second one has a hard time understanding why she shouldn't just kill Angel. And given the fact that Buffy mutters the explanation of 'He has a gypsy curse,' perhaps Buffy is starting to wonder just now how many girls he's used that line on. Oh, I have to get up in the morning. It's guy's night out. It's not you, it's me. I have a gypsy curse. Yeeeah.

So Angel ends up in the hands of Spike. Right where he doesn't need to be. Because now it's play time for Drusilla. Oh Dru, did you just chain a shirtless Angel up to your four poster bed to better torture him with holy water? You just get prettier every day, don't you princess? I swear when she slapped Angel and told him he'd been a very bad Daddy... well... suddenly I remembered the appeal of sensitive, gentle, brooding boys. Tying them up and breaking their will. Yes. Show me more. 

While all of this is going on, I wonder what Xander is up to. Cut to Cordelia and Xander kissing in the middle of arguing. Twice. I... I'm just adding this to the list of crazy bitch attractions of Xander's. Sweety. Honey. Rage is not the same as love. 

But the real point of this episode, the parts that really made me squeal and keep watching...

Oz and Willow. 

I could go for hours about how adorable they are. About how much I want to kiss their ears and muss their hair. But I will present instead, these bits of dialog. 

Willow: Hey! Your hair! Is brown!

Oz: Oh, yeah, sometimes.

There's an interlude here where Oz takes a fucking bullet for Willow. Later, she opens a box of Animal Crackers for him.

Oz: Oh, look! Monkey! And he has a little hat. And little pants.

Willow: Yeah, I-I see!

Oz: The monkey's the only cookie animal that gets to wear clothes, you know that? You have the sweetest smile I've ever seen. So, I'm wondering, do the other cookie animals feel sorta ripped? Like, is the hippo going, 'Hey man, where are -my- pants? I have my hippo dignity!' And you know the monkey's just, (in a French accent) 'I mock you with my monkey pants!' And there's a big coup in the zoo.

Willow: The monkey is French?

Oz: All monkeys are French. You didn't know that?

Seriously.... take me to the Seth Green store cause I am buying two. How smooth geek is that? A dissertation about Animal Cracker dress code. That just makes me swoon in all my squishy geek girl bits. I mean, it's not like I have a total weakness for that sort of thing. It's not like... I married a man who has a whole diatribe about that missing hour of television during the time change. 

I do hope that Oz sticks around. I also have this odd hope that he takes some preternatural turn. I'm crossing my fingers for werewolf. That would make me far too happy.

Moral of the episode: Monkeys are fucking evil. Still. 

For Rabbit...

We're getting closer to some actual real time blogging here.

Halloween - or - Name that Meandering Accent

Synopsis: After a failed attempt at a date with Angel, Buffy whines that she wants to be more like the kind of girl he'd want. Enter nice creepy man with costume shop. Everyone turns into their costumes for Halloween. And there is enough emotional insecurity tossed around by all of them to power the eating disorders of an entire middle school.

We open with Buffy kicking ass in a pumpkin patch. While there's nothing too remarkable about it, except that there's a klingon there taping the whole thing to show to Spike later. Finally, yes. Some actual planning. Taping the Slayer to figure out her moves and possible weaknesses makes sense. I'm on board with this. Were I a vampire, I would totally follow Spike as my full foreheaded leader.

It cuts from this to Angel at the Bronze. He sits at a table, looking all awkward and insecure because Buffy is late for their date. His facial expression seems to whisper, "Do these jeans make me look fat? Is that why she hates me? Oh, if I could just loose 20 more pounds -then- I'd be pretty!" Cordy circles and lands like the social animal she is. And I can't say enough how much I love Cordy. Mean. Vain. Entirely self centered. The kind of girl one could have far too much fun tying up and beating tears out of.

But sadly my brain is still stuck on the fact that the vampire... hundreds of years of life under his belt, is all 16 year old awkward that maybe his date stood him up. You know, she is the Slayer. And you are a vampire. Maybe instead of pouting with worry that she might not like you anymore, you should be watching your back for the stake she's going to plant in you. Seriously.

But Angel's aura of awkward 16 year old girl could only be exceeded by Buffy's entrance. Woe is me, she pines, I am a vampire killing machine. Other girls get to think about vapid things. How I wish I were vapid and not a finely honed instrument of death to the undead. Oh, if only it were halloween and I could do the whole period costume routine. I mean, that's what all the girls who are in love with old vampires do. And it never turns out bad. Never. It's never that you end up looking like someone they killed. Or that you end up thrown back in time. Or just bring up a wash of painful memories that sends them into a emotion fueled killing spree.

Nah. I mean look at Angel. Obviously vampires are rock solid walls of emotional control.

So, Mr. Creepy talks Buffy into some pink monstrosity. (Yes, I had flashbacks of Kaylee's dress.) I guess Buffy never read any of those stories about the nice shopkeeper who sold the poor girl the perfect prom dress. Only it was taken off a dead girl and coated in embalming fluid and it kills her ON WHAT WAS THE BEST NIGHT OF HER LIFE.

She buys and wears the dress. Then Mr. Creepy goes into his back room and chants some shit in what sounds to me like made up Italian. Sure, maybe that was supposed to be Latin. But all I heard was Brak chanting, "La porta è fatta di zuppa!" So, the door is made of soup and then everyone turns into their costumes. 

At this point, I'm suddenly not sure -what- Buffy's costume was. I mean, I thought it was a periodish gown making her some sort of noblesque woman from... Europeland. Or perhaps colonial... something. But given the way her vague accent wanders from Irish to Southern American to Colonial British to just plain silly, I think that her costume was actually Failed Method Actress Lacking A Dialect Coach.

Moral of the episode: Insecurity knows no - Holy shit did you just see Willow's abs? Holy shit. Her abs. Rawr.

It's going to be a long day. So I'm just going to see if I can't power through a few of these.

Reptile Boy -  or - The One with Buffy in Manacles

Synopsis: We open on the gang watching some Bollywood movie together. This cuts to boys in monk robes chasing a paniced and screaming girl. Satanic cult you say? No, no. As any college girl could quickly tell you... those are frat boys. Bad things happen. And in the end, everyone gets what they deserve. Including me. I get to watch Buffy hang there wearing manacles.

I am surprised given the long list of evil and demonic things that Buffy knows to avoid, how could frat boys not end up on her list? Evil. Evil. Bad. Their only redeemable point, the possession of a wooden paddle, is just another travesty of repression since they only use them on pledges... and not blinky blink little girls. 

Speaking of repression... there is a lovely little scene with Angel and Buffy in the graveyard in this episode. During one of those 'No, don't love me. I'm too dark." speeches, Angel grabs Buffy to make his point. Grabs her. Hard. Grrr. Don't fall in love with me. I could hurt you. I will hurt you. Grrr.. so dark. So tortured over his pedophile tendencies. Rawr. 

Best sappy exchange
Angel: This isn't some fairy tale. When I kiss you, you don't wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after.
Buffy: No. When you kiss me I wanna die.

Best snappy exchange
Xander: So, Cor, you printing up business cards with your pager number and hours of operation, or just going with a halter top tonight?
Cordelia: Oh, are we feeling a little envious? You could belong to a fraternity of rich a powerful men. In the Bizzaro world.

So later when Xander crashes the frat party. And they find him. And treat him like a pledge...
Xander makes one of the ugliest women I have ever seen. Just as Bobby made the creepiest ballerina. Ever.

All of this leads up to the sweet, sweet moment... of Buffy in manacles. It makes me forgive her for falling for the OLDEST trick in the book. The girl can kill vampires. She can fight demons. Mummies, no problem. But a frat boy with a roofie takes her out. Girls who aren't The Chosen One (tm) know to watch out for that shit. Come on, missy. 

Moral of the episode: Frat. Boys. Are. Evil.

Another slow day at work means you get another entry. Eventually, I'm going to catch this up to where I'm actually watching. 

Inca Mummy Girl - or - Xander firmly establishes his masochistic taste in women

Synopsis: The students of Sunnydale are hosting their very own foreign exchange students. This coincides with a school trip to the Museum of Lax Security where they free Xander's new girlfriend from her mummified sleep. Mummy girl proceeds to commit the most depraved acts (murder, cross dressing, dating) with the blink blink blinky look of innocence. 

Again we find that Xander and Bobby have a few things in common. This time, it's an attraction to crazy bitches. That whole equation of homicidal intent = love. First there was the mantis. And now, a mummy girl. A mummy girl running around in a South American boy's button down and khakis. So of -course- Xander thinks she's keen.

Thus the in no way a phallic referencing 'Let me show you how to eat a Twinkie' scene. No, that's not awkward at all.

But finally, at the dance... they make with the kissing and the draining. Her evil mummy powers manifest and she begins to hurt the one she honestly cares for. No, no, not now. Not like this. Gasp. Sigh. She was going to drain the even more geeky kid. But Xander burst in and now she's hungry and he's right there. And so sweet. And so willing. And...

And this scene is usually the classic brooding vampire boy and breathless trembling human girl scene. He bites her. Feels tortured. Runs away. She faints. It's the basic vampire set up with endings ranging from a Disneyfied happily ever after (referred to as LJ Smithing) to a weird vampiric family version of Claudia Has Two Dirty Uncles (referred to as Anne Ricing). So it was fun to see a little twist. A mummy girl with geek boy twist. 

But let's get to what really matters in this episode. 

Oz! Yes, wonderful witty, funny, left of the center.... Seth Green. Has he been in anything where I didn't find him oddly adorable and wanted to get into his short little pants? Answer: No. And oh, dear god... the boy is short. I can't tell if Devon (the lead singer/Cordy's beau) is just a beefy guy to have to stand next to... or if Seth is actually shorter than his guitar is long. 

The longing gaze he cast at Willow in her Eskimo gear made my toes curl. I am now waiting patiently for the episode where Oz, Spike and Drusilla team up to make Sunnydale their bitch. They could install Willow as their evil queen. The evil queens are more fun when they used to be blinky innocent things. So awesome. 

Moral of the episode: Living on the Hellmouth or no, being addicted to dating crazy bitches is some dangerous shit.

You know that scene in Bad Boys II where Martin Lawrence looks over at Will Smith and says, "This shit just got real." Yeah, this episode is like that.

School Hard - or - Now this is more like the vampires who live in my head

Synopsis: The night of St. Vigeous approaches. But Spike jumps the gun and busts in on a parent teacher confrence night. It becomes obvious that the Ferengi knows more than he's saying. And it becomes obvious that Spike is my new reason to continue watching this show.

Spike. Oh Spike. Where has Joss been hiding you? And why? Let's run away together. Me, you.... and that crazy ass Dru who reminds me of one too many of my own vampire characters. You are so entertaining, so lovely, so vibrant and fun that you are a worthy distraction from my usual game of Spot the Stunt Double.

Crazy. Spike and Dru are just fucking crazy. Finally, vampires that are vampires. They're weirdly intimate, suddenly violent, and all the while spouting off witty banter. 

Oh how I love thee Spike and Dru. Let me count the ways.

1. Spike calls the crucifixion the vampiric Woodstock. Everyone claims to have been there, and uses being there as some sort of legitimizing factor. 
2. This quote from Spike as he addresses the other vampires: "Any of you want to test who's got the biggest wrinklies 'round here... step on up."
3. Dru has creepy ass dolls. And she has named them. Ms. Edith must face the corner because she was bad. Oh Dru, how edible you are. 
4. As Angel tries to convince Spike that he has been lying to Buffy about being a tortured repentant demon. Spike's reply? "People still fall for that Anne Rice routine? What a world!" This makes me want to climb inside Spike's pants and live there.
5. Continuing the above conversation, Spike refers to Angel as his sire and... yes... his Yoda.
6. Spike kills the chosen one. That's really all I have to say there. Finally.
7. The Spikester's take on vampirism? "Less ritual. More fun."

After John dies mysteriously in his sleep, I am so marrying Spike.

Moral of the episode: Dru is a princess. Yes, that's what she is.

I am totally skipping the usual format for this one.  First, because I've been lax in actually posting and my notes are so old from this point, and my handing writing so poor... I'm really not sure what particular things I had to pick on. I can say that this chain of episodes was where I started to enjoy the show a bit more. 

Episode 12 - Prophecy Girl
So, let's just say that this is the episode where Buffy dies... but she doesn't. And I will entertain you by actually transcribing my list of notes from this episode. (at least the ones I can read)

drama
circle jerk
rape world
car in school = awesome
I flunked the written
Fruit punch mouth

The first three, I really have no memory of what those are about. What the hell was I watching anyway? Number 4 is self explantory. Yes, Cordy driving a car down the hallway of the school is totally awesome. Number 5 was a line I liked. As was number 6. Yes, you are right... The Master does totally have fruit punch mouth. Ick. 

Episode 13 - When She Was Bad
Buffy gets bitchy and mean and manipulative... it must be her 19th birthday. 

Yeah, that scene where she plays an entire -room- of people, leaving all the boys pissed and wanting... it's like wow, hello and welcome to 2nd year of college! 

Best line of the episode: Spank your inner moppet.

Worst lipstick of the episode: Willow's

What I wish the vampires would do: Buy the Bronze. Seriously, if you're a vampire in that area and you want to keep tabs on the Slayer -and- have a solid stock of blood bags to feed from... wouldn't you buy the Bronze? Where's Buffy? Oh she's hanging at the Bronze again. Guess that means me and the boys are fairly safe to go across town and eat some kittens. 

I'm going to begin with a confession that I don't have a lot to say about this episode. It just wasn't that remarkable in and of itself. But I do have 3 very important points in mind. 

Out of Mind, Out of Sight - or - Cordelia Begins to Grow on Me... Like Mold

Synopsis: The May Queen celebration gets ruined when an invisible girl stalks Cordelia. It's another chance for Buffy to pout that she's not popular and for Cordelia to show that she has, perhaps, half of a shallow soul. 

Okay, points of note in order of coolness, least to greatest.

- Convenient uneven bars: Yes, that's right. You think that's just extraneous plumbing over Buffy's head. But in fact, those oddly placed pipes are uneven bars just waiting for Buffy to use them to pull herself up and do that swing forward for momentum then up over the other bar thing. Someone in production stayed up too late watching Gymkata again.

- Clea Duvall: She plays the villian of this episode, the invisible girl. This girl is on my list of actresses type cast as awkward teenage females that I would totally do if left alone with for five minutes. Seriously, it's obviously what she needs. Someone caring and nurturing to take her aside and show her the beauty that is her awkward geekiness. And by 'show her the beauty that is her awkward geekiness' I mean, make her scratch out the eyes of god with her skirt up around her throat.

- Buffy tells a hysterical Cordelia to shut up: Hot. 

Moral of the episode: Being a popular bitch or an unpopular homicidal girl doesn't mean that you don't still have feelings. That you feel. And thoughts. That you think. Deeply. 

 

My viewing has leapt a bit ahead of my writing. So I only have some scattered notes from this episode to go on. So it should be fun trying to piece together what I meant when I wrote a few of these things dream journalesque lines.

So bear with as I go.

Nightmares - or - Willow Looks Hot as a Squeaking Geisha

Synopsis: Everyone's nightmares begin to bleed into their life. It takes entirely too long for everyone to catch on to this fact. And when they find out that a little comatose boy is to blame, they help him instead of pulling the plug. 

Yeah, took a little too long for the Scooby Squad to clue into the big mystery of this episode. It all begins with a random student of Sunnydale High sneaking into the boiler room to smoke. Sloth from the Goonies comes out of the shadows to beat the ever loving shit out of the poor girl. Obviously her nightmares involve becoming an Irish bride.

Slowly but surely we crank through the nightmare scenarios of the others. Buffy has some major Daddy issues. And perhaps I have a few issues of my own... cause when she was sitting there crying, all vulnerable and sad that daddy doesn't love her... Well, you know. Nobody is a wilder fuck than a little girl trying to get her daddy to notice her. Can you blame me for thinking that what Lil Buffy needed was some contact therapy to work through those issues? Damn. ~fans self~

It is also worth adding that Xander can be lured into certain doom by candy bars. Seriously, candy bars. It's like a Goonies homage. First Sloth, and now Chunk. 

The whole thing reminded me of the movie Waxwork. Yes, I have perhaps seen that utterly wonderfully bad piece of horror movie madness. People keep fading in and out of these little nightmares scenarios... and Buffy is falling into a coffin and coming up fanged before it really starts to click as to what is going on. But they do. And they fix it. And nobody has to have an awkward dinner with vampire lord, eating steak tartar. 

Moral of the episode: Smokies may not kill you. But it will get you beat the fuck up in Sunnydale. 

I've gotten a little lax on posting. Work is nuts right now. And coupled with the various strains of the plague going around right now, I haven't had much time or inclination to post. I just know this mass infection of the populous is just a warm up to the coming zombie apocalypse... and I've been working hard on my zombie preparedness kit. 

Right now, it's really just a box with a bottle of water and a map to Aaron's house in it. I should work harder.

But for now, on with the show!

The Puppet Show - or - The Ferengi Debut

Synopsis: Emily, the pig nosed ballerina is the first Sunnydale student to get offed by an organ thieving demon. Buffy confronts her fear of puppets... only to find out that they are even creepier about hitting on highschool girls than a gypsy cursed klingon. And the new principle shows up.... presumably to teach the kids the 285 Rules of Acquisition. 

Yes, I'm sorry. Did no one else notice that the new principle is a frelling Ferengi? He may have been out of make up, but that look of disdain was the same. I half expected him to expound a plan to make a profit from the highschool and to force all the females to strip because you know, they don't clothe their females. 

Wait... I do see potential to make a profit there. A very big profit.

But no, he never goes that far. But I will assume that plan is in his mind somewhere. That is the only way I can justify the outfits of the girls of Sunnydale. Specifically, Buffy McHoeSkirt. Maybe this is the part where I sound like a crazy old lady shooing kids off of her porch but, seriously. In my high school, skirts that served as a warm up to a pap smear were not really dress code legal. The rationale had something to do with being a distraction and idea of decency. Though, I think it was mostly about trying to keep the number of us with future careers in lap dancing to a minimum. 

Not that I think Buffy is contemplating a future career in pole dancing. (If only.) Rather, I think she is perhaps saving money. Using so little material on her skirts must free up her budget for other things. More important things. Like... tons and tons of fake hair. This episode gets an award for most hair length changes in a 24 hour period. It's shoulder length. It's a long pony tail. It's an obvious fall of clip in extensions. Listen, if you don't want people to know the hair is fake, you probably shouldn't cut from a scene with a pony tail of a slightly different color than the rest of your hair falling past your shoulders... to hair down and barely past your ears. Just saying. 

Moral of the episode: There is STILL nothing more awkward than high school kids doing Oedipus.