Zen Hedonism

Jelly [jel-ee] -noun
any substance having the consistency of jelly.

Fish [fish] -noun
any of various cold-blooded, aquatic vertebrates, having gills, commonly fins, and typically an elongated body covered with scales.

Jellyfish - A bit about the etymology
Since jellyfish are not actually fish, some people consider the term jellyfish a misnomer, and American public aquariums have popularized use of the terms jellies or sea jellies instead.

Even science agrees, they are more jelly than fish.

Also, among the list of facts that the beau has made me aware of that I wish he hadn't... Tinted Windows. It's a supergroup composed of James Iha (guitarist of Smashing Pumpkins and Perfect Circle), Adam Schlesinger (bassist of Fountains of Wayne and Ivy), Bun E. Carlos (drummer of Cheap Trick), and Taylor Hanson.

Yes, their singer. The front man, if you will, is the middle fucking Hanson brother. Just wrap your head around that. I haven't heard anything from them yet. But I think their first release starts out something like this.

"One of these things is not like the others.
One of these things is not the same."

Mmmm bop.

And one final bit (this part not requested by Rabbit at all but still utterly necessary), a bit of how I feel in the office and why I'm taking Monday off for no other reason than I have the time and I want to.



see more Lolcats and funny pictures

 Yes, I am skipping two episodes. Just not much to say about either of them. I will say that it was fun to watch vamp wanna bes get fang raped in Lie to Me. And I mistook the first few moments of The Dark Age episode for a metal hair band video. 

What's My Line - or - Dibs on the Spike/Oz Sandwich

Synopsis: After poking around in an old stolen book, Spike finds a way to cure Drusilla. He sends the Order of Taraka after Buffy to keep her out of the way. A second slayer shows up in town making things a little weird, and a lot hot. And in the end, Oz explains yet another facet of what makes a monkey evil.

I must say, I love the way Spike loves Dru. His temper shoots violent and passionate all in one, all the time. He'll snap one moment, then be the dirt beneath her little unclad fee the next. He's jealous, possessive. He puts her up on a pedestal while calling her diminutive and worshipful names. Pet. Lamb. Black goddess. Ripe, wicked plum. Is Spike Irish? He sure loves like one. 

In contrast to this, we have... Angel and Buffy. Oh, the constant back and forth of don't love me. It can't work. But I want to kiss you. I'm too dark. You're too young. You shouldn't have to touch my klingon bits. What is this relationship based on other than longing glances and hesitant sighs? Gah. Sometimes I feel that their relationship is the beginning of the slippery slope that led to such travesties as Edward and Bella. (When I typed that... Bella's name originally came first. But she was so upset that she should ever come before her beautiful sparkling love - she is so unworthy to be in such a position - that she cried until I changed the order. True story!)

So... on with the plot. 

Spike calls the Order of Tarakis on Buffy. Spike, Spike, Spike, you were doing so well. But this is total a 'the Master' move. Oh, Buffy is a problem. Let's call in whatever assassins to kill her. Has this -ever- worked? No. They cramp her style a little. But then in the end she and Scooby Gang pitch in kill the bad guys. Seriously. You're a vampire. Put some humans in your thrall. Have them poison her diet coke during the day when her guard is down. Duh.

But of course, now we have the problem that instead of 1 Slayer, we have two. And the second one has a hard time understanding why she shouldn't just kill Angel. And given the fact that Buffy mutters the explanation of 'He has a gypsy curse,' perhaps Buffy is starting to wonder just now how many girls he's used that line on. Oh, I have to get up in the morning. It's guy's night out. It's not you, it's me. I have a gypsy curse. Yeeeah.

So Angel ends up in the hands of Spike. Right where he doesn't need to be. Because now it's play time for Drusilla. Oh Dru, did you just chain a shirtless Angel up to your four poster bed to better torture him with holy water? You just get prettier every day, don't you princess? I swear when she slapped Angel and told him he'd been a very bad Daddy... well... suddenly I remembered the appeal of sensitive, gentle, brooding boys. Tying them up and breaking their will. Yes. Show me more. 

While all of this is going on, I wonder what Xander is up to. Cut to Cordelia and Xander kissing in the middle of arguing. Twice. I... I'm just adding this to the list of crazy bitch attractions of Xander's. Sweety. Honey. Rage is not the same as love. 

But the real point of this episode, the parts that really made me squeal and keep watching...

Oz and Willow. 

I could go for hours about how adorable they are. About how much I want to kiss their ears and muss their hair. But I will present instead, these bits of dialog. 

Willow: Hey! Your hair! Is brown!

Oz: Oh, yeah, sometimes.

There's an interlude here where Oz takes a fucking bullet for Willow. Later, she opens a box of Animal Crackers for him.

Oz: Oh, look! Monkey! And he has a little hat. And little pants.

Willow: Yeah, I-I see!

Oz: The monkey's the only cookie animal that gets to wear clothes, you know that? You have the sweetest smile I've ever seen. So, I'm wondering, do the other cookie animals feel sorta ripped? Like, is the hippo going, 'Hey man, where are -my- pants? I have my hippo dignity!' And you know the monkey's just, (in a French accent) 'I mock you with my monkey pants!' And there's a big coup in the zoo.

Willow: The monkey is French?

Oz: All monkeys are French. You didn't know that?

Seriously.... take me to the Seth Green store cause I am buying two. How smooth geek is that? A dissertation about Animal Cracker dress code. That just makes me swoon in all my squishy geek girl bits. I mean, it's not like I have a total weakness for that sort of thing. It's not like... I married a man who has a whole diatribe about that missing hour of television during the time change. 

I do hope that Oz sticks around. I also have this odd hope that he takes some preternatural turn. I'm crossing my fingers for werewolf. That would make me far too happy.

Moral of the episode: Monkeys are fucking evil. Still. 

For Rabbit...

We're getting closer to some actual real time blogging here.

Halloween - or - Name that Meandering Accent

Synopsis: After a failed attempt at a date with Angel, Buffy whines that she wants to be more like the kind of girl he'd want. Enter nice creepy man with costume shop. Everyone turns into their costumes for Halloween. And there is enough emotional insecurity tossed around by all of them to power the eating disorders of an entire middle school.

We open with Buffy kicking ass in a pumpkin patch. While there's nothing too remarkable about it, except that there's a klingon there taping the whole thing to show to Spike later. Finally, yes. Some actual planning. Taping the Slayer to figure out her moves and possible weaknesses makes sense. I'm on board with this. Were I a vampire, I would totally follow Spike as my full foreheaded leader.

It cuts from this to Angel at the Bronze. He sits at a table, looking all awkward and insecure because Buffy is late for their date. His facial expression seems to whisper, "Do these jeans make me look fat? Is that why she hates me? Oh, if I could just loose 20 more pounds -then- I'd be pretty!" Cordy circles and lands like the social animal she is. And I can't say enough how much I love Cordy. Mean. Vain. Entirely self centered. The kind of girl one could have far too much fun tying up and beating tears out of.

But sadly my brain is still stuck on the fact that the vampire... hundreds of years of life under his belt, is all 16 year old awkward that maybe his date stood him up. You know, she is the Slayer. And you are a vampire. Maybe instead of pouting with worry that she might not like you anymore, you should be watching your back for the stake she's going to plant in you. Seriously.

But Angel's aura of awkward 16 year old girl could only be exceeded by Buffy's entrance. Woe is me, she pines, I am a vampire killing machine. Other girls get to think about vapid things. How I wish I were vapid and not a finely honed instrument of death to the undead. Oh, if only it were halloween and I could do the whole period costume routine. I mean, that's what all the girls who are in love with old vampires do. And it never turns out bad. Never. It's never that you end up looking like someone they killed. Or that you end up thrown back in time. Or just bring up a wash of painful memories that sends them into a emotion fueled killing spree.

Nah. I mean look at Angel. Obviously vampires are rock solid walls of emotional control.

So, Mr. Creepy talks Buffy into some pink monstrosity. (Yes, I had flashbacks of Kaylee's dress.) I guess Buffy never read any of those stories about the nice shopkeeper who sold the poor girl the perfect prom dress. Only it was taken off a dead girl and coated in embalming fluid and it kills her ON WHAT WAS THE BEST NIGHT OF HER LIFE.

She buys and wears the dress. Then Mr. Creepy goes into his back room and chants some shit in what sounds to me like made up Italian. Sure, maybe that was supposed to be Latin. But all I heard was Brak chanting, "La porta è fatta di zuppa!" So, the door is made of soup and then everyone turns into their costumes. 

At this point, I'm suddenly not sure -what- Buffy's costume was. I mean, I thought it was a periodish gown making her some sort of noblesque woman from... Europeland. Or perhaps colonial... something. But given the way her vague accent wanders from Irish to Southern American to Colonial British to just plain silly, I think that her costume was actually Failed Method Actress Lacking A Dialect Coach.

Moral of the episode: Insecurity knows no - Holy shit did you just see Willow's abs? Holy shit. Her abs. Rawr.

It's going to be a long day. So I'm just going to see if I can't power through a few of these.

Reptile Boy -  or - The One with Buffy in Manacles

Synopsis: We open on the gang watching some Bollywood movie together. This cuts to boys in monk robes chasing a paniced and screaming girl. Satanic cult you say? No, no. As any college girl could quickly tell you... those are frat boys. Bad things happen. And in the end, everyone gets what they deserve. Including me. I get to watch Buffy hang there wearing manacles.

I am surprised given the long list of evil and demonic things that Buffy knows to avoid, how could frat boys not end up on her list? Evil. Evil. Bad. Their only redeemable point, the possession of a wooden paddle, is just another travesty of repression since they only use them on pledges... and not blinky blink little girls. 

Speaking of repression... there is a lovely little scene with Angel and Buffy in the graveyard in this episode. During one of those 'No, don't love me. I'm too dark." speeches, Angel grabs Buffy to make his point. Grabs her. Hard. Grrr. Don't fall in love with me. I could hurt you. I will hurt you. Grrr.. so dark. So tortured over his pedophile tendencies. Rawr. 

Best sappy exchange
Angel: This isn't some fairy tale. When I kiss you, you don't wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after.
Buffy: No. When you kiss me I wanna die.

Best snappy exchange
Xander: So, Cor, you printing up business cards with your pager number and hours of operation, or just going with a halter top tonight?
Cordelia: Oh, are we feeling a little envious? You could belong to a fraternity of rich a powerful men. In the Bizzaro world.

So later when Xander crashes the frat party. And they find him. And treat him like a pledge...
Xander makes one of the ugliest women I have ever seen. Just as Bobby made the creepiest ballerina. Ever.

All of this leads up to the sweet, sweet moment... of Buffy in manacles. It makes me forgive her for falling for the OLDEST trick in the book. The girl can kill vampires. She can fight demons. Mummies, no problem. But a frat boy with a roofie takes her out. Girls who aren't The Chosen One (tm) know to watch out for that shit. Come on, missy. 

Moral of the episode: Frat. Boys. Are. Evil.

Another slow day at work means you get another entry. Eventually, I'm going to catch this up to where I'm actually watching. 

Inca Mummy Girl - or - Xander firmly establishes his masochistic taste in women

Synopsis: The students of Sunnydale are hosting their very own foreign exchange students. This coincides with a school trip to the Museum of Lax Security where they free Xander's new girlfriend from her mummified sleep. Mummy girl proceeds to commit the most depraved acts (murder, cross dressing, dating) with the blink blink blinky look of innocence. 

Again we find that Xander and Bobby have a few things in common. This time, it's an attraction to crazy bitches. That whole equation of homicidal intent = love. First there was the mantis. And now, a mummy girl. A mummy girl running around in a South American boy's button down and khakis. So of -course- Xander thinks she's keen.

Thus the in no way a phallic referencing 'Let me show you how to eat a Twinkie' scene. No, that's not awkward at all.

But finally, at the dance... they make with the kissing and the draining. Her evil mummy powers manifest and she begins to hurt the one she honestly cares for. No, no, not now. Not like this. Gasp. Sigh. She was going to drain the even more geeky kid. But Xander burst in and now she's hungry and he's right there. And so sweet. And so willing. And...

And this scene is usually the classic brooding vampire boy and breathless trembling human girl scene. He bites her. Feels tortured. Runs away. She faints. It's the basic vampire set up with endings ranging from a Disneyfied happily ever after (referred to as LJ Smithing) to a weird vampiric family version of Claudia Has Two Dirty Uncles (referred to as Anne Ricing). So it was fun to see a little twist. A mummy girl with geek boy twist. 

But let's get to what really matters in this episode. 

Oz! Yes, wonderful witty, funny, left of the center.... Seth Green. Has he been in anything where I didn't find him oddly adorable and wanted to get into his short little pants? Answer: No. And oh, dear god... the boy is short. I can't tell if Devon (the lead singer/Cordy's beau) is just a beefy guy to have to stand next to... or if Seth is actually shorter than his guitar is long. 

The longing gaze he cast at Willow in her Eskimo gear made my toes curl. I am now waiting patiently for the episode where Oz, Spike and Drusilla team up to make Sunnydale their bitch. They could install Willow as their evil queen. The evil queens are more fun when they used to be blinky innocent things. So awesome. 

Moral of the episode: Living on the Hellmouth or no, being addicted to dating crazy bitches is some dangerous shit.

You know that scene in Bad Boys II where Martin Lawrence looks over at Will Smith and says, "This shit just got real." Yeah, this episode is like that.

School Hard - or - Now this is more like the vampires who live in my head

Synopsis: The night of St. Vigeous approaches. But Spike jumps the gun and busts in on a parent teacher confrence night. It becomes obvious that the Ferengi knows more than he's saying. And it becomes obvious that Spike is my new reason to continue watching this show.

Spike. Oh Spike. Where has Joss been hiding you? And why? Let's run away together. Me, you.... and that crazy ass Dru who reminds me of one too many of my own vampire characters. You are so entertaining, so lovely, so vibrant and fun that you are a worthy distraction from my usual game of Spot the Stunt Double.

Crazy. Spike and Dru are just fucking crazy. Finally, vampires that are vampires. They're weirdly intimate, suddenly violent, and all the while spouting off witty banter. 

Oh how I love thee Spike and Dru. Let me count the ways.

1. Spike calls the crucifixion the vampiric Woodstock. Everyone claims to have been there, and uses being there as some sort of legitimizing factor. 
2. This quote from Spike as he addresses the other vampires: "Any of you want to test who's got the biggest wrinklies 'round here... step on up."
3. Dru has creepy ass dolls. And she has named them. Ms. Edith must face the corner because she was bad. Oh Dru, how edible you are. 
4. As Angel tries to convince Spike that he has been lying to Buffy about being a tortured repentant demon. Spike's reply? "People still fall for that Anne Rice routine? What a world!" This makes me want to climb inside Spike's pants and live there.
5. Continuing the above conversation, Spike refers to Angel as his sire and... yes... his Yoda.
6. Spike kills the chosen one. That's really all I have to say there. Finally.
7. The Spikester's take on vampirism? "Less ritual. More fun."

After John dies mysteriously in his sleep, I am so marrying Spike.

Moral of the episode: Dru is a princess. Yes, that's what she is.

I am totally skipping the usual format for this one.  First, because I've been lax in actually posting and my notes are so old from this point, and my handing writing so poor... I'm really not sure what particular things I had to pick on. I can say that this chain of episodes was where I started to enjoy the show a bit more. 

Episode 12 - Prophecy Girl
So, let's just say that this is the episode where Buffy dies... but she doesn't. And I will entertain you by actually transcribing my list of notes from this episode. (at least the ones I can read)

drama
circle jerk
rape world
car in school = awesome
I flunked the written
Fruit punch mouth

The first three, I really have no memory of what those are about. What the hell was I watching anyway? Number 4 is self explantory. Yes, Cordy driving a car down the hallway of the school is totally awesome. Number 5 was a line I liked. As was number 6. Yes, you are right... The Master does totally have fruit punch mouth. Ick. 

Episode 13 - When She Was Bad
Buffy gets bitchy and mean and manipulative... it must be her 19th birthday. 

Yeah, that scene where she plays an entire -room- of people, leaving all the boys pissed and wanting... it's like wow, hello and welcome to 2nd year of college! 

Best line of the episode: Spank your inner moppet.

Worst lipstick of the episode: Willow's

What I wish the vampires would do: Buy the Bronze. Seriously, if you're a vampire in that area and you want to keep tabs on the Slayer -and- have a solid stock of blood bags to feed from... wouldn't you buy the Bronze? Where's Buffy? Oh she's hanging at the Bronze again. Guess that means me and the boys are fairly safe to go across town and eat some kittens. 

I'm going to begin with a confession that I don't have a lot to say about this episode. It just wasn't that remarkable in and of itself. But I do have 3 very important points in mind. 

Out of Mind, Out of Sight - or - Cordelia Begins to Grow on Me... Like Mold

Synopsis: The May Queen celebration gets ruined when an invisible girl stalks Cordelia. It's another chance for Buffy to pout that she's not popular and for Cordelia to show that she has, perhaps, half of a shallow soul. 

Okay, points of note in order of coolness, least to greatest.

- Convenient uneven bars: Yes, that's right. You think that's just extraneous plumbing over Buffy's head. But in fact, those oddly placed pipes are uneven bars just waiting for Buffy to use them to pull herself up and do that swing forward for momentum then up over the other bar thing. Someone in production stayed up too late watching Gymkata again.

- Clea Duvall: She plays the villian of this episode, the invisible girl. This girl is on my list of actresses type cast as awkward teenage females that I would totally do if left alone with for five minutes. Seriously, it's obviously what she needs. Someone caring and nurturing to take her aside and show her the beauty that is her awkward geekiness. And by 'show her the beauty that is her awkward geekiness' I mean, make her scratch out the eyes of god with her skirt up around her throat.

- Buffy tells a hysterical Cordelia to shut up: Hot. 

Moral of the episode: Being a popular bitch or an unpopular homicidal girl doesn't mean that you don't still have feelings. That you feel. And thoughts. That you think. Deeply. 

 

My viewing has leapt a bit ahead of my writing. So I only have some scattered notes from this episode to go on. So it should be fun trying to piece together what I meant when I wrote a few of these things dream journalesque lines.

So bear with as I go.

Nightmares - or - Willow Looks Hot as a Squeaking Geisha

Synopsis: Everyone's nightmares begin to bleed into their life. It takes entirely too long for everyone to catch on to this fact. And when they find out that a little comatose boy is to blame, they help him instead of pulling the plug. 

Yeah, took a little too long for the Scooby Squad to clue into the big mystery of this episode. It all begins with a random student of Sunnydale High sneaking into the boiler room to smoke. Sloth from the Goonies comes out of the shadows to beat the ever loving shit out of the poor girl. Obviously her nightmares involve becoming an Irish bride.

Slowly but surely we crank through the nightmare scenarios of the others. Buffy has some major Daddy issues. And perhaps I have a few issues of my own... cause when she was sitting there crying, all vulnerable and sad that daddy doesn't love her... Well, you know. Nobody is a wilder fuck than a little girl trying to get her daddy to notice her. Can you blame me for thinking that what Lil Buffy needed was some contact therapy to work through those issues? Damn. ~fans self~

It is also worth adding that Xander can be lured into certain doom by candy bars. Seriously, candy bars. It's like a Goonies homage. First Sloth, and now Chunk. 

The whole thing reminded me of the movie Waxwork. Yes, I have perhaps seen that utterly wonderfully bad piece of horror movie madness. People keep fading in and out of these little nightmares scenarios... and Buffy is falling into a coffin and coming up fanged before it really starts to click as to what is going on. But they do. And they fix it. And nobody has to have an awkward dinner with vampire lord, eating steak tartar. 

Moral of the episode: Smokies may not kill you. But it will get you beat the fuck up in Sunnydale. 

I've gotten a little lax on posting. Work is nuts right now. And coupled with the various strains of the plague going around right now, I haven't had much time or inclination to post. I just know this mass infection of the populous is just a warm up to the coming zombie apocalypse... and I've been working hard on my zombie preparedness kit. 

Right now, it's really just a box with a bottle of water and a map to Aaron's house in it. I should work harder.

But for now, on with the show!

The Puppet Show - or - The Ferengi Debut

Synopsis: Emily, the pig nosed ballerina is the first Sunnydale student to get offed by an organ thieving demon. Buffy confronts her fear of puppets... only to find out that they are even creepier about hitting on highschool girls than a gypsy cursed klingon. And the new principle shows up.... presumably to teach the kids the 285 Rules of Acquisition. 

Yes, I'm sorry. Did no one else notice that the new principle is a frelling Ferengi? He may have been out of make up, but that look of disdain was the same. I half expected him to expound a plan to make a profit from the highschool and to force all the females to strip because you know, they don't clothe their females. 

Wait... I do see potential to make a profit there. A very big profit.

But no, he never goes that far. But I will assume that plan is in his mind somewhere. That is the only way I can justify the outfits of the girls of Sunnydale. Specifically, Buffy McHoeSkirt. Maybe this is the part where I sound like a crazy old lady shooing kids off of her porch but, seriously. In my high school, skirts that served as a warm up to a pap smear were not really dress code legal. The rationale had something to do with being a distraction and idea of decency. Though, I think it was mostly about trying to keep the number of us with future careers in lap dancing to a minimum. 

Not that I think Buffy is contemplating a future career in pole dancing. (If only.) Rather, I think she is perhaps saving money. Using so little material on her skirts must free up her budget for other things. More important things. Like... tons and tons of fake hair. This episode gets an award for most hair length changes in a 24 hour period. It's shoulder length. It's a long pony tail. It's an obvious fall of clip in extensions. Listen, if you don't want people to know the hair is fake, you probably shouldn't cut from a scene with a pony tail of a slightly different color than the rest of your hair falling past your shoulders... to hair down and barely past your ears. Just saying. 

Moral of the episode: There is STILL nothing more awkward than high school kids doing Oedipus. 

I'd like to start off by saying, I object to the use of ellipsis in this episode title. And not just because it gives me flashbacks to when I played on my first ever vampire talker and we joked that the true Lasombra curse was that you could not end your sentences with a period. A conversation with your average Lasombra went like this:

You: Hey Bob!

Bob: Hello...

You: Um, is everything alright?

Bob: Yes...

You: Listen, I know you're trying to be slick and sinister, but not everything said has to carry a double meaning.

Bob: Of course...

Moving on then...

I Robot... You, Jane - or - The Dangers of Internet Dating

Synopsis: A demon, once adept at seducing monks, is trapped into a book. Years later, Willow scans this book and lets the demon loose into the interwebs. Said demon recruits the nerd masses as his minions. The building of a robot body and the seduction of the hot geek chick ensue.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Dana, hasn't that totally happened to you? And yes, very nearly.

Except, he didn't have a robot body. Or horns. Damn... that would have been so cool.

So this episode fairly sums up why my mother broke a gasket when I announced I was moving 800 miles away to live with some guy I met in the interverse. Because, what did I -really- know about him? He could be an axe murderer. Or a democrat. Or a demon.. with a robot body.

I have to love that. This demon, when let loose to run free in the world invented by Al Gore, uses his powers of influence and manipulation... to have the geek squad build him a demon robot body. There are a couple flaws in this plan. I mean besides the fact that the Slayer was able to kill him with the old 'trick you into punching a junction box' trick.

I just think that letting geeks, who are likely gamer geeks, build you a body... means robot demon is the high end of what you could come out as. Be glad that they didn't plug you into some Legend of the Overfiend body. Or even Master Chief. Oooh... Master Chief. Either way, Willow was to have none of it. If you're a robot, there is really nothing you can offer a girl that she can't just get down at VIP... and without the constant, "Oh do you love me? I need you to love me."

Damn, that is one insecure demon.

Moral of the episode: Internet dating is dangerous... but still more interesting than just mooning over the oblivious Xander.

Yes, he's been lurking in the shadows, showing up just in time to warm Buffy then slip away... leaving only the impression of his beaten puppy dog eyes and a muscled - but not threateningly so - physique.  Finally, an episode to explain it all... 

and leave me wishing that they really, really hadn't. 

Angel - or - The Episode Where We Realize That Angel Really Is Always Brooding. No. Always.

Synopsis: Tossed together by breathless circumstances, Buffy and Angel finally frelling kiss. Of course she finds he isn't what she thought he was. And then a jealous ex girlfriend gets involved. People get hurt. And the evil blonde gets it... right between the tits. Ah, highschool. 

Okay, I am fine with this episode. Yes, it's totally vampire cliche. But I love vampire cliches sometimes. Angel is Broody McDarkstare. He's dangerous... he's hot... he's hanging around a highschool kid hang out.

Wait. No really, just wait.

Remember 90210? And how Dylan McKay was THE hottie. And you watched the show and you knew he was supposed to be THE hottie. It was the hair and the jacket. And you knew, all the trappings were there to indicate that this was supposed to be the guy you lusted after. Only, there was this odd niggling at your hormones. What was it? There was just something a bit off about thinking of running into this guy in your school. 

What was it? What was so strange? So... off?

OH YEAH, HE WAS LIKE 40!

Old guy in the club. He may be hot old guy.. but he's still old guy in the club. And you have to wonder when Chris Hansen is going to bust out and take the guy down. 

Angel is that vibe, wrapped in a tight white wifebeater and a leather jacket. When he looks at Buffy with that pained expression... is it his tender feelings of affection fighting against his eternal need for blood? Or is it that his addiction to barely legal teens is fighting against the fear that she is just a ploy from Dateline to catch him in the act? Just what sort of predator is this Angelus? 

Yeah, I hate that name too. 

I will given him credit for confessing to Buffy that he's older. But she seems shocked to find out just how much older. Honey, you took home the old guy from the club. It's not fair to nit pick after the haze of espresso and vampire chase scene adrenaline has worn off. So he's a Klingon. Turn the lights off and rock the casbah.

Moral of the episode: Gypsies have a curse for everything... including child predators. Don't fuck with Gypsies.

Here I am, settling into the characters. I'm comfortable with the fact that I want to take Willow aside and do very, very naughty things to her. I'm enjoying the curvy and actually tasty looking Buffy. I'm even shifting a little in my seat at Giles's yum yum accent. 

But everytime Xander opens his mouth, I think only of Bobby. Yes, this is entirely how Bobby would act if Rabbit started killing vampires. This is entirely how Bobby acts now.

And then, this episodes comes along.

The Pack - or - The First Episode Where Xander Seems Kinda Hot 

Synopsis: The spirit of scavenger animals possesses a clique of highschool kids causing them to prey on the weak and eat their principle. No one notices the difference.

Possessed by Hyena spirits. Sure. I'm with this. Predatory gazes. Sniffing of hair. Need to eat meat. Yeah, these are all yummy traits in a man. And seeing Xander with a bit of spine. This is kinda cool. Ooh.. and he made Willow cry. Dear god... that's... honestly, kinda hot X. Way to go!

And yeah, this is all a little awkward. Because equating Bobby with Xander isn't so funny. 

And then we get to the scene where Xander has Buffy pinned on the floor of the same room where the cute little mascot met his demise. 

AWKWARDLY HOT.

Cause if Xander = Bobby, then Buffy = Rabbit... and rawr.. and yet... nooooooooo. No. No no no! 

Aroused, and yet ready to punch the object of my arousal in the face. Story of my life.

Moral of the episode: Boys will always ruin a good pinning scene by uttering some line to remind you that this is about -their- ego, not your hotness. 

 So, I’ve started watching Buffy.

Yes, it’s been over a decade since the show aired. And since this is my first time watching the series, I can’t get off with a nostalgia plea. Call it instead, a morbid curiosity sparked by my inability to currently watch True Blood.

Cause, you see… I love vampires. I adore vampire stories. They are, perhaps, my favorite metaphor. They taste like yum in my brain and make me giggle with unabashed glee. Want to make my girl bits melt? Give me a predatory growl and bite my neck.

But there have been certain vampire iterations that I have avoided for various reasons. Like Twilight. Sorry, I prefer my vampires with something akin to testosterone and sans *sparkles*. I don’t care if the boy vampires and more interested in kissing other boy vampires. But I do like my sexual tension to build toward something other than just INTENSE RESPECT. Mormons ruin everything.

And yes, I have also avoided Buffy. Why? I could list a lot of little things. Like the first time around, I really just missed it. I was a sophomore in college and too busy with work, study, discovering that sex could be fun and that food was an optional thing to really watch a steady show. Also, and this is honestly the biggest reason I’ve stayed away from the show… the foreheads.

Yeah, the foreheads. I appreciate the whole vampires as demons thing. It’s a really cool way to play the mythos. But they took the minor sin of Lost Boys and made it a major. Sorry, I want my vamped out villains inducing me to drop my panties, not remember how I always wanted to start taking those Klingon lessons.

But yeah, in the end… the best vampires are the ones I wrote while sitting in AP Biology. The ones who still play out their little games in my head when my thoughts are left to wander.

And so, after staring at the seasons of Buffy sitting on my roommate’s shelf… and then starting at my stationary bike… then the DVDs… I put together my little Buffy work out plan.

After disk one it became apparent that I was going to have to share my commentary with the world. Or at least the LJ world. Or at least Rabbit.

I’m not going to talk about every episode. And I watched the first episode back before Christmas and have already forgotten my snarky comments to that. But… expect entries.

So, the dinner.

It was good. Great. It was wonderful. Having the people closest to me, all together in one room, laughing and telling stories... drinking and eating. I just couldn't stop smiling. And to have Bunnie there, able to read my expressions with a clarity that cut right to the heart of me. It was a good night. Such a good night.

But when I try to write about it... as trite as it is... there just aren't words.

I caught myself, several times, standing alone somewhere. At the edge of things, just before I slipped back into the rush of warmth. I would just stand there and listen to the waves of conversation blending over each other. And all I could think was, this is our family. This room. This gathering. This is our family. These are the people whose journeys have run parallel to ours in one form or another. And I love them. Every single one.

I could walk through that room and say, "I love you," to each person there. And each time, I would mean it. And each time it would have meant something different.

There aren't words for how beautiful that is to me.

We make choices in this life. I have made the ones that are right for me. That's why I get to smile and mean it.

Neither one of us officially proposed to the other. No down on one knee and a ring in in a box. 

Just snuggling in the dark, a long talk about the day's news, that ended with, "Alright, it's time. Let's do it."

 We did not have a ceremony, no. 

Just me, him, and a JP in an office so messy it make me think someone was getting investigated. 

No reception.

We went out for rare steaks and cold beers. Just us.

We did not exchange rings. We are not registered. No bridal party. Our parents were not there. No wedding dress. No garter. No flowers. 

But I am amused when someone hears this and says, "But why didn't you do anything special?"

Special. 

That we love each other is special. That we are both willing to work to keep that is special. That after 10 years of doing just that, we decide to let the law in on our little arrangement, is special.

I spent the first two decades of my life wanting desperately to be loved and accepted for me. I was sure it wasn't possible and was well on my way to a nice little life of fun fucks and sweet lovers that I could love intensely for a month or two. And then fade. I'd seen marriages and relationships... and though I had an idea of what I might want from one.... certainly didn't think it was out there. So I would love my friends, and fuck my enemies, and that would be that. It would still leave me less emotionally alone than the wives and husbands I saw around me. 

But John changed that. Slowly, carefully, fighting me all the way. As I did for him. And we grew. Together. Creating a life, a world, between us. And it is something we know we have to work at, tend, nurture... every single day. And every single day we make the CHOICE to continue to do that. Each moment we CHOOSE to be with each other. A conscious, aware choice. Each moment. 

Not a habit. Not a duty. And not because of a legal contract.

Call me crazy, but after what I've seen in this world, fuck the bows and bells and white dresses. I don't care about diamonds (do you really know the diamond industry?) or presents.

I have met another human being that I -want- to share my life with. His presence makes each experience better for the way he touches the world. So, pardon me... but that is all the special I could want.

I wore a black dress and boots. Just like I always told my mother I would. The first time I said it was simply because I wanted it that way. But over the years, it became it's own little symbol of defiance. My response to the statement, 'But it's just not done that way.' But I wore a black dress and boots... cause the dress is my flouncy favorite. And the boots... well... they're pirate boots made by Doc Marten. Is there anything grander than that?

Hello Kitty panties of course. Kitty or commando, those were the only options as far as I was concerned.

My Minx told me once that relationships were all about an understanding. That every couple had their own understanding of what it was about. The thing that really mattered was that they agreed on those rules. Or in our case, guidelines. We like to leave room to grow. Because we want to grow. That's part of our whole thing.

So we did this our way. In our time.

And eventually we came home. And eventually I sat down at the computer to send off a few emails. And then I marked the occasion in a way that totally amused me.

I changed my facebook status and giggled.

 Like it's a Christmas tradition.

Santa is still a strange man.